My phone is fatter than some of the girls around here

Mobile phones have created quite a change in the human dynamics nowadays. It has changed the advertising world. TV commercials contain mostly of the latest phones and how you can do things through your phone that you couldn’t do otherwise. Years ago, Dove used to advertise its soaps and moisturisers for a silky smooth skin and you would completely fall in love with just a single touch. The same thing is happening with the new Samsung Galaxy S5.

Super AMOLED capacitive touchscreen, 16M colours! The touch will make you fall in love with the phone. They’re being honest. They used Dove moisturisers for the finishing!

The AppStore and the Google Play store have completely changed our lives! Every day new apps are being developed and uploaded for the user to enhance their lives. To be honest, these new devices have made my life a little more busy. The only thing that has changed since owning a smartphone and an iPad, is that I now have to agree to more ‘user agreements’. Just a few more clicks in my life! But I do not mind. The surface where my fingertip touches the screen has become much softer in recent wakes. Must be all the Dove these companies use!

But these applications come up with such permissions and agreements which makes you question what the developers were thinking while coming up with them. Since almost everyone uses ‘WhatsApp’, here is what all of you agree to:

System tools: install and uninstall shortcuts

That’s fair enough. You’ve worked hard making the app. You can play around with my phone and install/uninstall the WhatsApp shortcut at your merry.

Hardware controls: Control vibration

They’ve also announced that the new vibrators come with ‘WhatsApp’ installed. So the girls can text their boyfriends, “I don’t need you anymore”.

Hardware controls: Record audio, take pictures and videos

The next time you send a naked picture of yourself to your girlfriend/boyfriend, just remember that, that’s not the only place where its going!

Your personal information: Modify your contacts, read your contacts

Really explains the Schizophrenia of some of my friends. 

Storage: Modify or delete contents of your USB storage

Next time someone catches you with porn on your phone, you know which direction to point the finger at!

Here’s my favourite one!

Services that cost you money: Directly call phone numbers, send SMS messages

Congratulations guys, WhatsApp has just saved your ass! Every time you drunk dial or drunk text your ex, you can avoid the awkward conversation in the morning after by simply saying, “It wasn’t me. It wasn’t the alcohol. It was the WhatsApp talking.”

And a few more permissions you agree to like giving your life savings away to WhatsApp when you die. But we all still agree to it! We care more about talking to people we don’t care about than about agreeing to app permissions.  That is why I have come up with a mathematical expression. The minutes spent on the phone are inversely proportional to the minutes spent on chasing your dreams. Think about that before your pick up your phone. But if you are reading this on your phone while on the toilet, then you are excused. But I would still encourage you to read the newspaper or a comic book instead.